flash in the pan

just back from a week long trip. it was remarkable in all ways.

but i was just sitting on the idea of rewriting history, as a blogger. can we ignore/recuse everything that came before? seems simultanteously dishonest and desirable, no?

xo

is it me?

i've got nothing.

i've caused grief to friends and those very near and dear to me. i can't win. the best part? i didn't even want to compete.

like that yoplait yogurt lid: sorry, you're not a winner. try again!

xo

couldn't feel worse.

i house/chicken/dog sat for friends this weekend and something attacked the dog's tail. in absence of being able to reach them and thinking they were coming home a day earlier than they did, i waited on panicking and taking him to the vet for an emergency visit on memorial day.

today his tail is being amputated because of it.

i. am. an. asshole.

xo

the company i keep.

my parents were in town this weekend and it was the first time i had seen them since well over a year ago. the infrequency of our time together has nothing to do with our relationship. we are tight. our little family has a closeness that i believe comes from a whole lot of mutual respect, admiration and desire to see one another succeed and be happy. no matter if that comes from nontraditional life styles, choice of profession, marital status, baby having status, etc.

just prior to their visit i was struggling with a number of personal and professional decisions that were beginning to gnaw away at my self-confidence and my in some ways, my well-being. having them here helped so very much to put things in perspective. it reminded me that if those amazing people think i'm the shit, it must be true. ok. that's a little overstated, but you get the gist. their visit helped me gain some perspective, remind me that i'm valuable and worthwhile. because while those are things that i absolutely believe about myself, we all have times when we put the needs of others in front of our own and forget to check-in with ourselves. you know?

in other news. i was bitten, no kidding, by a brown recluse spider. that's right people. step up for the fun and games. i moved out of d.c. to get away from the gangs and guns and walked right into POISONOUS INSECTVILLE U.S.A.! okay. i totally didn't leave d.c. because of the gangs and guns but i did totally move to POISONOUS INSECTVILLE U.S.A.! observe below the progress of the bite over a 5-day period*.


happy birthday, i'm disgusting. i'm going to a wedding this weekend. it's may in austin which means it's hot. which means, strappy strap dress. this is on my shoulder blade. i.e. i am going to be the DISGUSTING wedding guest who makes people throw up their wedding cake with her disgusting grossness. while i am not a vain person in general i have had an ongoing inner disagreement between my tomboy side and my girly-girl side. for as long as i can remember, even when i'm dressed up with my hair-did and my face on i still have to remind myself that i'm pretty and feminine. this mongo scab/pustule/foulness is NOT HELPING.

boo on this!

xo

*the good news is that this little bite sent me to a people's clinic and i now have access to very reasonably priced health care for the next year AND my CBC came back negative for cell deterioration which means my immune system kicked that effing brown recluses stupid ass and i probably squished it's miserable life to mush seconds after it bit me. asshole.

what she said.

at times our confidence levels soar and other times plummet. i have set up a fail-safe system for myself of controlled errors. a risk-tolerance, if you will. no left field. even if i fall, i have worked to make sure it is never further than intended.

tonight. one of my girls/people/crew/whatever declares: whoever i meet and go out with needs to be comfortable with their own shit and understand that i am probably going to be better than them at most things.

that is like...wow.

xo

for the love of puppies.

what in the hell has descended upon my normal very healthy, very robust, very impenetrable immune system? i have been struggling for nearly a week with some sort of hellacious, sneak up on me when i'm not looking, non-committal virus/cold/flu sitch. unfun.

and apparently, non-transferable. i've been in close physical contact with other humans [yes, yes. there are people who enjoy being in my physical orbit] and so far, i'm the only one with this plague.

i took an allergy pill for good measure but all that did was make me sleepy. combined with several beers and a sleeping pill to seal the deal...this is the kind of sunday night party that makes cupcakes and tequila look like child's play.

regardless. exceptionally indulgent and quiet and warm and easy weekend. wish i could put some days on repeat. minus the porcine influenza.

xo.

the house that love built.

i recently learned that the couple that bought my house broke up a mere 6 months after moving in. they had been together for eight years. right before i moved out, my neighbor explained that the two couples who lived there prior to me also broke up shortly after moving in. is it possible there is a curse on the house? did someones heartbreak seep into the floors and walls making it uninhabitable for all future residents?

the house i bought in d.c. was owned by the bank when i bought it and so, unoccupied. i made a home there with my boyfriend of many, many years. when we split, i kept the house and later sold it. i had several offers but chose this really sweet russian woman because she just adored the house and it was the first for she and her husband. i loved that house.

shortly after moving in i learned from my neighbors that they covered all the windows with blankets and sheets and had loud arguments that sometimes resulted in violence and a call to the police. eventually, she could no longer afford the utility bills and abandoned the house to move into a small apartment in the building next door where [i swear i am not making this up] she started some sort of bordello.

it's sad that so many good intentions end up falling apart. and buying a house with someone is the ultimate [short of having a kid] good intention. an agreement and understanding that you will grow and change and create a home together is an act of faith. i'm sorry that these folks didn't make it, but i'm glad i'm here and not there.

xo